Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
