ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
