I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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