Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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