plz talk dirty to me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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