evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
