Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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