Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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