You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
