Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
