A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
