I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
