Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
