By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
