Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
