going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
