Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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