I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
