Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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