He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
