When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
