I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
