I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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