Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
zippers are such a cool invention
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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