You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
