I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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