I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
