Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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