I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
