he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
