Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
