I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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