i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
