the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
