You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
