He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't deserve a penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
