That's intense
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
