I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
