I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
