Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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