One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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