My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I should be sponsored by Trojan
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
