Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
