oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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