i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
