I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
