It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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