Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
