Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
