i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
