I understand why you refuse to be sober now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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