the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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