I looked at my own cervix.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
