True but thats because hes a fetus.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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