I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
