Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
