i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
