Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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