I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
