It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
