the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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