Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
