Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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