he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize