just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
