drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
