you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
