you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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