She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
