I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
