It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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