I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
