why didn't you poke me back
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
