am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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