well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm like, not good at living.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
